Ever feel lost and stuck?
Yeah, that’s me right now.
Lost
I’m feeling lost because I don’t know what I want to do now nor do I know what the Lord wants me to do now. I left full-time employment because I was feeling trapped; like I was suffocating. I wanted freedom. And I thought I wanted that freedom in order to do my own thing on my own terms and in my own time in the form of entrepreneurship. In other words, I wanted to work. I just didn’t want to work for someone else.
But now that I’m out, I wonder if I really want to do my own thing, in my own way and on my own terms…period. As in, not working. Even as an entrepreneur. I mean, I’m kind of enjoying having little to no daily obligations and only “working” when work comes my way. The idea of having to constantly be trying to generate work makes me tired, nervous and a little overwhelmed sometimes. But I can’t decide if that is because it’s relatively new and, therefore, scary or if it’s more than that. Am I fearful or wary of it because I’m scared? Because I’m lazy? Or because I’m just not wired that way?
If the latter, what do I do now? I left 8-5 because it no longer seemed to fit me. If entrepreneurship doesn’t fit either, what’s left? Stay-at-home wife? …seriously?
And part of me replies, “well, yeah. Why not?!” There’s an appeal to “taking care of house and home.” Not all on my own, perhaps, but more on my own than ever before. There’s an appeal to having complete control over my calendar. There’s an appeal to filling that calendar with only things I want to do – or, at least, primarily filling it with those things – instead of things I have to do. Do I want to do a newborn shoot on Wednesday morning? Great. Do I want to volunteer with that particular organization twice a month? Fantastic. Do I want to spend hours in the yard pulling weeds or trying to build a flower bed? Splendid. Do I want to write a blog post tomorrow? How wonderful. Do I have to do any of those things? No. Not yet anyway.
A Life I Haven’t Earned
But all of this feels so privileged and selfish and irresponsible.
It feels like a life I haven’t earned yet. 
If I were in my mid-sixties or seventies, this would be a very different conversation. I would have put in my time and done my homework. I would have had years of delayed gratification, attending to the needs, wants and desires of others and following their agendas more than my own. I would have planned, financially, for the day when I no longer could (or wanted to) work. And I could now reap the reward of years of that hard work and sacrifice. The rest of my life could be lived on my terms, doing more of what I want and less of what I must.
But…I’m in my mid-thirties. I haven’t earned any of that yet. I haven’t even pseudo-earned it. I mean, if we were debt free and had a fully funded emergency fund and were able to contribute 15% of our income to retirement, I would feel zero qualms about being a stay-at-home wife. Zero. Even in my thirties.
But, we’re not any of those things. We’re not even debt free yet.
Stuck
And this is where I’m stuck.
We have financial responsibilities. Paying off the debt, getting our savings in a good place and preparing for our future when we truly cannot work anymore are responsibilities that we have yet to take care of fully.
We also have financial dreams. Having a farmhouse, some land and a few animals while building wealth and giving generously, for example.
For any of those financial things to happen – whether responsibilities or dreams – we need more income. Now. But Scott’s not likely to get a significant raise anytime soon so the easiest, quickest and surest way for us to increase our income is for me to work. For me to do something that produces a consistent income. And why shouldn’t I? I’m able-bodied. I have no disabilities (mental or physical). I have skills. I’m personable (most of the time). I work well with others (again, most of the time).
I can + we need it = I should.
We need to take care of our financial responsibilities, both present and future, before we (or even just I) can enjoy a life on our own terms.
….right?
I dunno. So much of me screams, “Yes, of course it’s right! Get back to work!” and, yet, a small part of me seems to be whispering, “Well, maybe not.” …but I can’t reconcile that whisper with the very real financial implications of not working and so…I’m stuck.
Focused on Him
Euch. This adulting stuff is not for the faint-of-heart. Especially the kind of adulting that involves changing the life you’ve been living for so long. I mean, is it possible to have a mid-life crisis in your mid-thirties?! ‘Cause that’s kinda what this feels like. The problem is: I don’t know what I want. I just know what I don’t want.
I firmly believe it’ll be worth the struggle in the end but here, in the middle, it’s just confusing and exhausting. As I’ve said before, I think this “lost” that I feel is a good lost. There is purpose and power in it.
But, it’s still lost.
I’m also realizing, though, how much less anxious, worried and exhausted I feel when I’m not focused on the confusion but, rather, focused on God. If you read any of David’s Psalms, each time he says “but” it is followed with a description of how big his God is even if it is preceded with the worries and woes of his life. And yet, so often, my “buts” in prayers are followed by how big my problems, concerns or questions seem…even if they are preceded by how big and merciful and faithful my God is.
But, I’m learning that if I can refocus my attention on Who God is it helps me to see all of it from a more accurate perspective. My worries and woes become smaller and He takes His rightful place as the Almighty in my life.
I think we all have those moments and doubts but if we’re able to refocus, then we can really move forward. Loved this post.
Agreed. Thanks for the encouragement!
Beautiful read! Really enjoyed! I agree, trust in God for he is the one that truly sets our path and will guide us in where we should be.
Thank you!
An interesting post. Prayers for you in your journey of life.
David is quite an inspiration, is he not? He screwed up a lot, like we all do, yet he knew Goes and loved God and included God in his life. How easy it can be to forget to do that sometimes. I believe that, with His help, you will find your groove.
Agreed! Thanks so much for your encouragement!
I’m with you…though we will be debt free as soon as this house sells. I still struggle with closing my business to travel the country as a family and not adding to the income. But then I sit back and think, this is what God wants for me in this time. It’s His purpose for this season. He wants me to focus on and trust in Him, and most of all grow closer to Him. I may be lost, but He knows exactly where I am supposed to be. Thanks for your inspirational post!
And thank you for your encouraging comment! I know God knows where I am and, together, we will navigate this new season!
A truly inspiring post..no matter where we are in life..we all deserve happiness..
Agreed! Thank you!
Those little voices…the what-ifs sneak in and make life so difficult sometimes. However, I have learned over the years that I am not in control and offer up a lot of what I feel to Him. He knows my heart…He knows what I need, what I can handle, and tends to navigate me in the right direction.
Very true, indeed. Thanks for stopping by!
This is so exactly where I am right now! I am leaving teaching after this year to become a stay at home mom and although I’m still working online, I keep going back to thinking maybe I’m making a mistake.
Hope you’re able to find peace and confidence quickly!
I think we’ve all felt that way at some point or another. I’ve basically (I say that because I have worked part-time on and off) been a stay-at-home wife and mother for the entire 27 years of my marriage. Could we have had more money if I had worked full-time? Yes. Would that have meant putting my daughter into daycare every day? Yes. Did my husband and I feel that was what was best for our family? Nope. So, here I am. I do sympathize because I have days like this even now, why am I still home when my daughter is all grown up? Is this little blog thing really going to make the money I should make so we can get some real retirement funds going? I don’t know. Does God know? Yes, yes He does, so I need to remember to rely on Him, and like David, recognize that I am very small, but my God is very, very big, and He knows exactly what my life should look like, even when I don’t.
Yes! Yes. We may be small and our problems feel so big, but our God is bigger still. Thank you for your encouragement!
GIIIIIIRL You and I need to get to know each other better! You and I have so much in common it was like I was reading my own thoughts. Just know you’re not alone!!!
Awe! Thanks! Hope you are able to get “unstuck” soon, too!
I’m struggling with a lot of these same questions right now. All I can say is, I wish you the best of luck in trying to figure it out. And, if you do, I’d love to know what (and how!) you figure out!
Haha, I’ll let you know, for sure! Thanks for stopping by!
We all find ourselves wondering about what path to take and what will be the best direction to take. Keep faith that the answer will come.
Thank you!
As Shakespeare put it “To thine own self be true”… and I like to add, until then be kind, to yourself. Self-awareness and self compassion are the keys that unlock doors for me. I have been there, stuck, as you say. Adrift in lack of fulfillment or purpose is how I felt. But I was right where I was supposed to be at the time. There were lessons to be learned. I try very hard to not live by “Shoulds”, but it has taken me a while to get there. I wish you well on your journey of discovery. Trust, Faith, and Forward.
Thanks so much for your encouragement!
I’ve had many transitions in life. Some I didn’t think I deserved or earned. God has helped me through each transition. In many ways I miss being a stay at home wife/mom because you are more free to be of service to others, always on God’s errand. You are now able to be his hand and serve when before you were tied to other obligations. You have the opportunity to be his angel more often. Follow his spirit and let him guide you to where he needs you most each day. Enjoy every minute of it because you will find much joy each day you serve. I’m happy for you! <3
Thank you! You’re right. There is a lot more flexibility in my schedule these days. It’s part of the reason I wanted (needed?) out of the 8-5 life. I’m still looking forward to what’s to come, it’s just so different from what I’ve known!
I can definitely relate to feeling lost! I, too, have left fulltime employment in hopes of making my blog fulltime. Doubts happen all the time as to whether or not I am making the right decision.
Understood! Here’s to having the courage to keep plugging away at it, though. At least until, if and when we are redirected elsewhere!
I think we have all been here before. In my experience keep plugging away. Try different things. Eventually something will click and you will know what you are supposed to be doing.
Thanks for the advice!
I’ve been in a similar situation no long ago, and I’ve read a ton of books. Different types, like entrepreneurial, autobiographies, and self-help. And of course, I prayed. Goo luck in your journey! You’ll end up stronger
Thank you!
It’s hard to be in that lost, stuck place – I know I was there once too, just last summer. I want to step down from my very stressful job and be at home with my hubby. How was I going to make this dream a reality? To refocus, I spent time in God’s word and in prayer. To really focus on Him and His will for our lives, we did a 3-day fast. Those things helped me to put things in perspective. I still don’t know if we’re going the right direction, but God hasn’t put the kabash on it yet! I’m moving forward with our blog and plan to retire at the end of this year with the faith that I’m doing His will and He will provide. Keep listening, sometimes He speaks in a soft voice – He’ll direct you. Best to you in your decision. And, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home wife…seriously – I can’t wait!
Oh man. I get what you’re saying! Thanks so much for your encouragement!
Beautiful post to read.it’s like you read my mind some of the time. it’s just so exhausting navigating life sometimes. but I think it’s that belief and faith and focus that will power us through to the beauties that lie on the other side.
Agreed! Thanks for commenting!
Wow. I feel like I wrote this because I am in a nearly identical situation. The anxiety and worry piles on daily, while I try to figure out my purpose in life. Thank you for writing this!
You bet! It’s nice to know we’re not alone in the struggles we have, sometimes, no?! Praying for peace and confidence for you!
Faith makes all the difference in the world. As for having the feeling of “being lost”…never for He is always near. God Bless.
Thanks so much for the encouragement, Georgette!
Oh, my dear! Been there, done that….have repeated the cycle over and over again. I had the same job transition last year and have been working hard to build this new business ever since. It’s tough. It’s not easy. I do rely a lot on prayer, but also get sidetracked very easily because I’m a workaholic. I’ve also moved 12 times in 22 years due to my husband’s career, so I know the art of transition more than I do the feeling of stability. It cuts…it hurts. But at one point, you will hopefully be able to stand back, take a deep breath and exhale only to see all the beauty God has created from it.
I believe you are right! Thank you for your honesty and encouragement!
I absolutely hear you. I hadn’t been planning on going back to work when my maternity leave is over, but I feel like I have to contribute financially and my blog isn’t going to be enough to help support us yet. ☹️
I so understand this! Thanks for stopping by!